Let’s cut the shit.

IMG_2825Photo from: https://www.instagram.com/linachans/

Not just ok, but ESSENTIAL.

We can never be the 100% cheerful, happy, strong, objective, willful. We ALL have the other side of the coin within us: the soppy, sad, weak, confused, stuck side.

If we try to be only one side of the coin, we fail.

So, in order to maintain sanity and health, we have to own up to both sides. And be willing to feel them. No hiding from it, no pretending, no bull shit. As hard as it might be to just admit to what you’re currently feeling, as hurtful and mindblowingly scary as it might be, it’s not worse than living in the hell of hiding yourself all day, every day.

So, gather up the courage to show yourself to yourself, in enclosed four walls, if you need, but show it.

And you won’t ever regret it.

#havecourage #bebrave #feel #show #allow #positive #negative #emotions

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What a sick week taught me

I recently had a very weird week.

It started off normal, I went to work and did what I did all the weeks before, I sold shoes, attended people in the store, cleaned it, etc, came home to find myself tired as fuck and went to bed. I did this routine with not much trouble, everyday a little different.

Some weeks ago, though, I began filling up my time with things that interested me: web comics and cool stories, blog posts of people I admire and all sorts of internet goodies.

Soon enough, I realized I had a much better time reading the comics and blogs than I ever did attending people and selling shoes.

This simple act of using my spare time to focus on things that I liked brought me to the realization that I wanted to fill up my DAY with things that I liked a lot more than what I was currently doing.

So started a very weird week for me.

It began by me feeling my body rejecting the store. Yes, my body let me know before my mind had comprehended that I didn’t want to work there anymore.

The rejection of being there led me to feeling sick inside and I began to feel ill. I was, indeed, ill. I had a few days off from work because I felt I couldn’t do anything. I barely got out of bed and spent my days watching my favorite tv series of all times: Friends.

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I was sick, though, not because I didn’t want to work anymore, but because I felt GUILTY for it. I felt so bad, so bad for not being there that I became physically ill. My immune system went down and I felt like shit.

The feeling of “guilt” had struck me and it made a hole inside my chest and stomach. I felt I was wrong for wanting to quit. I felt guilty for feeling sick, I felt guilty for not getting out of bed. I was deep in self hate at that point.

It took me days to realized guilt was making me sick.

It took me days to realize I didn’t allow myself to feel sick and to need nurture and help.

Took me days to feel just how bad I was actually feeling.

I was only able to move out from those feelings of guilt and hopelessness after I spent some time with the actual bad feelings inside.

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Carl Jung, said “What we resist persists”, so, I went inside myself to try and feel those feelings that were eating me up, as my spiritual guru Teal Swan teaches here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3V_Gtfr_YA  

The feelings were so strong I couldn’t dive deep in one try. I was able to release resistance to it, though, which is basically stop going to war with what we feel trying to make it go away.

Only that was enough for me to wake up in the next day completely different.

I opened up to my mom and told her I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and that I felt lost. I opened up to my boyfriend and said I was tired of having things not working out for me. I felt hopeless and tired, as if the world was against me, but talking to them helped me realize I had good reason for wanting to quit the job. I had realized I wanted to fill my days focusing on things that make me feel good and see where THAT takes me.

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In the end, before this sickness I hadn’t realized I spent many of my days pressuring myself down to get things done and do what I “should” be doing, instead of what I WANT to do. This is the recipe to illness, stress and unhappiness. I had no idea I felt so stuck in many thought patterns of guilt, pressure and sadness.

I felt isolated in my misery. I believed for the longest of times that I needed to do everything on my own and that I would have nobody by my side to help ME when I needed.

I’ve had these hurtful thoughts and beliefs entrained in my mind for YEARS.

Thanks to this illness I was able to look at them and realize what I’d rather believe and live in my life.

I’d rather believe I have help and nurture when I need it. I’d rather believe I have support and that my wellbeing is more important than any job in the world. I’d rather believe I can take care of my emotional self and be kind to it.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to leave this message with the feeling that this is the answer to all things and that we’re done looking for answers in our lives. I know I will have a lot of integrating to do. The affirmations I wrote a few lines above about what I WANT for my life that I discovered because of this weird ill week, may take years to sink in and for me to truly feel like I own in my life.

Those particular thought patterns that hurt me so much in the past are coming up for the first time to my consciousness and that is the very first step to improve my life for the better.

Healing really is a wonderful path to take. Allowing the negative feelings to be felt inside ourselves may just be the answer we’ve been asking for to feel better and stronger. Showing our inner selves we’re here for them and showing ourselves our love may just be the answer to our blockages and illnesses that appear in course. Because after all, we are all ALIVE and while we’re alive there’s always new things to learn about ourselves, may it be completely new or a pattern that’s been with you since you can perceive yourself as a person and that has newly come to your awareness.

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It was a strong revelation for me, to have my body, mind and spirit rejuvenate like that from the act of looking inside and being present with the bad feeling. I truly felt it changed where the illness was taking me, which was a lot like depression, I must say.

I hope I can keep being a good pal to me and that my dog days are over. Well, if a dog day appears, I’ll have a better shot at being a good pal to myself because of this experience.

I hope this helps you in a bad day/week/month/year too.

We’re all in this together,

                                   Linaheart2

How fangirling changed my life

A few years back, I started following people that I admire on the internet.

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I began as any good fangirl and filled myself with information from my idols: pictures, videos, books and followed them on social medias. I did it, though, trying to escape from the fact I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted.

Half a year later, after a lot of inner work, emotional integration and embarking on a self-love journey taught by my favorite spiritual guru Teal Swan, I realized I followed these people so avidly, because I thought they had something that I wanted for my life, but couldn’t create for myself. I stared at their videos and pictures wishing my life was like that.

A year later, after more spiritual and emotional work, I finally realized that I admired how they were able to live their lives doing something they loved and how much abundance it created for them. They had something I didn’t realize I hadn’t: PASSION.

BLOG_ILLU5They followed their passions and invested in them. They created an entire life around their passion. Spiritual rumor has it, when we follow our passions out of self love, we are supported by the universe and abundance follows us wherever we go.

For the first time, I realized I had to look for my passions to live the kind of life I want to live! 

This is my motto now.

Instead of looking for what other people are doing and thinking “What is their secret?”, now I use the same amount of focus and ask myself: “What fills me with passion?

I’m currently on the look out for what I enjoy doing. I want to find my passions and live according to that amount of pleasure and create a life full of joy for myself.

And it is a very special kind of joy, a joy that is in my flavours.

Finding our passion has so much more to do with what we can do now in our lives to bring us more pleasure than to wish for it eternally to come, by admiring other people, but never really looking to our own lives and making it better in this moment.

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I encourage you to do the same and go look for what you enjoy in life and do more of it. It can be as simple as buying a plant to put in your room, go take a soothing shower or make some tea. The fun thing about this is that you get to choose what would pleasure you to do right now. 😉

 

We are all made of unique special tastes, and it can be trusted that what brings us joy and shortens our way to find our passions is having a variety of them filled with our very own flavours.

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